Codependency (part 1): Is this you?
Updated: Sep 20, 2021
Do you protect someone even if it's their fault?
Do you tend to disconnect from your own desires?
Or do you always want to control everything?
Then you might have a codependent personality.
Codependency is the tie that binds us together. It is defined as excessive emotional and psychological reliance on another.
This can be any relationship that we have. Friendships, intimate relationships, and even relationships within our family. You can be trapped in the circle of needing someone to exist. That you almost make them your life.
I know I had this when my son was born, my anxiety and OCD were at it's worst. Then all of sudden I had a purpose, I was a Mum and my son became my world. I lost even more of myself at that point.
Now as a mother you think, well that’s what you are supposed to do but with all relationships, there has to be a healthy balance.
There has to be giving and taking… we can't just keep giving to others until we have nothing left.
Some things may only seem minor but the impact they have on who we are and how we feel can be greater and our purpose becomes about others and not-self. It really can keep us trapped and lost to who we are. We lose our voice and our feelings seem invalid.
So, like everything… It starts with awareness. It starts with acknowledging the behaviours that may not be helpful.
Here are some signs that you are having a codependent personality:
You tend to seek approval from others
You tend to apologise first or take the blame just to have peace
You fear rejection
You tend to do things even if you don’t want too
Your mood is affected heavily by others around you
You tend to avoid conflict
The challenging thing with codependency is it tends to increase around the people we really want to be around or those who we value and therefore we want to upset less but the more we give up ourselves and rely on others to give us purpose, the further lost we become.
And we can begin to struggle, we begin to doubt our choices or decisions in case they are wrong. We can feel unappreciated and resentful and yet still do things to seek validation and approval from others.
Do you recognise any of the above in yourself? I would love to know?
And if so, would you prefer to trust your own judgment? To know you have everything you need in yourself to be happy and successful. However, that looks to you?
If so, let's talk. Book a FREE discovery call today and we can see how coaching can help you take control of your life.