“It’s all my fault, why can’t I get anything right?”
“This isn’t ok… but why does it keep happening?”
“I don’t even know what I did, but it must have been bad?”
“How can I make this right?”
It’s often when we are in abusive relationships that not only do we feel scared, upset, hurt… we are also left feeling confused.
Because why would someone treat me this way, if I didn’t deserve it…
Or if I didn’t do something wrong.
The truth is tho… you are NOT the villain.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse… it's the act of manipulating a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, or events that are happening around them…
It can be so bad that it can make you question your own sanity…
I know I spent many nights thinking… “what just happened?”
Gaslighting in a couple is truly devastating but the truth is… it isn’t just limited to romantic relationships, it can happen in work, in friendships, and even with parents.
And the effects can last long after the relationship and connection have ended.
Here are some signs of gaslighting:
Being more anxious than you used to be
Losing your confidence
No longer feeling ‘yourself’
Feeling like everything you do is wrong
Apologising all the time
Always feeling like it's your fault when things go wrong
Feeling like you are always being too sensitive
Questioning your responses (did I make them feel unloved?)
Always finding a reason to excuse their behaviour
Feeling isolated from family and friends
Leaving out information to avoid confrontation
Feeling hopeless
Taking little or no interest in things you used to enjoy
Finding it hard to make decisions
It can be hard to realise when it's happening because the people that do it become experts at it. They know your weaknesses, your sensitivities, and your vulnerabilities.
And if that wasn’t enough… they use your own behaviour and responses against you.
Some examples of gaslighting include:
“I didn’t say I would drop you there, what are you talking about? I don’t care if you cannot get a lift now, it's your fault” – Deny things they said earlier
“You honestly feeling sorry for yourself?” - Belittling how you feel
“Everyone talks about you, they think you are crazy” – Telling you people are talking about you
“You’re mental, we never went there, I should know” – Insisting you were not somewhere or you had been, even if it's not true
It can be hard to notice and even acknowledge but it all starts with awareness.
Even years after the contact has ended the damage can stay on…
You don’t have to work it out yourself, for me coaching and NLP helped me take control of my life and understand my emotions…
And I still have to do the work.
I still have to work through my default of… “It’s my fault”
But I do and I have never been happier…
Now it's your turn…
Take back control of who you are, and don’t let someone else's actions minimise your voice…
You’ve got this!!! xx
Book your FREE discovery call today… I can help you shift through your doubts and fears and help you move forward from abuse x