Updated: Jul 22, 2021
Our psychology is the only thing standing between us and confidence. But the truth is… for most of us… we are living in our own heads.
In our own story… weighed down by limiting beliefs that tell us we are not good enough.
That we are a failure…
That we cannot bounce back after we fall…
Or that our obstacles are too big for us.
When we can let go of the things weighing us down, we can begin living from a different place…
From our heart and not stuck in the story that is in our head.
It's time to stop standing in your own way and to start living a more confident life.
Here are 6 ways you can begin taking control and learning to build confidence:
1. Accept your emotions
Often when we want to change something, we focus on how we think we should be; we create the ideal version of ourselves. And while that is useful in creating a vision, we have to make sure that we are not shutting down what is actually going on.
Managing your emotions is the key to managing your life; therefore changing your emotions = changing your life but the critical part is understanding your emotions in all states. In order to master your emotions, you have to feel them.
You have to accept your feelings for what they are, and then you can begin to understand why they are there, objectively looking at them and what they are trying to teach you. For example, anger is usually the cover for fear. There is always another level to understand, and we can only do that by accepting what we are feeling and not shutting them down.
2. Practise positive thinking
I am not one to think everything is positive and there is no room for negative, but instead of promising a 100% positive life, I try and look for the positive outcome. It's about reframing your mindset and feeling confident comes from positive thinking.
Our limiting beliefs are the stories we believe about ourselves, because after all… a belief is …. A strongly held opinion, and the truth is… opinions can change. So just because you've always believed you would never be able to do public speaking doesn't mean you never actually could (check out my story here). It is just a current negative belief that you hold about yourself.
There will be many things you thought you would never be able to do until you did them… this is the same. So the first thing you need to do is recognise when you have those negative thoughts and start thinking about what you can do and what you can achieve. It will feel yucky at first, but once you build that habit, the more you create that positive self-talk, the more you believe it and the more confidence you will have.
3. Know your values
When you truly know who you are, what makes you happy, and what is important to you, you can truly learn to be confident. Unfortunately, sometimes the values we think our own are the ones our parents gave us or the ones we think we should have. This is why sometimes we hit goals are still left unsatisfied, because they are not in line with exactly who we are, only who we thought we should be.
When you live by your own standards, you have absolute certainty of who you are, which is the fundamental key to confidence.
4. Change the way you move, your physiology
I am against the whole fake it to you make it; it creates room for imposter syndrome and feeling like a fraud to grow. I am, however, all for the little hacks that can trick our brain into feeling more confident.
The way we stand, the way we move… all have an impact on how we feel. Check out this TEDtalk by Amy Cuddy
5. Change the way you communicate
Communication skills are so important to achieving confidence, not only in the way we talk to others but to ourselves too. The best communicators are also the best listeners…. Good communication requires respect, compassion, empathy, and present deep listening. Focusing on what is being said rather than what you need to say next.
6. Check the snapshots of your life
We all have goals we want to achieve and things we want to do, and it's very easy to focus on the things not yet done. Instead, check in regularly at what you have achieved, what you have overcome and learned, and create regular goals on the things you need the most.
If you would like a copy of the exercise I do with my clients, hit reply and let me know and ill send you a copy!